I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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