yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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