Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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