I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
