I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
what day is it and did you see me today?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
