just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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