he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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