benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
