She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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