if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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