I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
