I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
