I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
