Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
