Quick, to the slutcave!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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