I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize