Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize