Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize