I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
