The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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