I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
