dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize