She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
