Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize