So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
