Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
