You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
