Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
