My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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