another moral hangover. fuck.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
