I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
