Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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