someone threw a dead crab at me
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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