its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
