all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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