Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Come on in and take your pants off
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