what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
