During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
