She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
