You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
