It's Friday. Sex?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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