I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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