You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
