Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize