I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
