This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
