I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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