the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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