DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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