It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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