i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I understand Curling. That high.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
