I just made out with a guy for $7.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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