Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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