It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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