Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
