so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
