So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
