u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
