we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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