I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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