I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
