I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize