Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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