I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
